Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick

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(315): View more from New York

I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I hope my margaritas pass through security.

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(541): View more from Oregon

You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining

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(212): View more from New York

Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.

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(302): View more from Delaware

I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight

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(703): View more from Virginia

i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!

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