god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
