You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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