Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
