Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
