so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
