I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
