Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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