everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
