hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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