ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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