I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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