okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
