Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
