Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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