i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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