Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Soap is not a condiment
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
