I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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