I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
