dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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