from now on my penis is your penis
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
