I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
