Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
