I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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