Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
