My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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