Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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