i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
