I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
