i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i came on her dog
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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