Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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