it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
