i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
