We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
