Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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