Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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