Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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