There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I need moral support for this bender
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
