I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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