WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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