I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
