Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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