Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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