i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
