porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
