sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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