I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
