There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Welp...herpes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
