Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
