i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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