Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
