Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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