he thought i was a dude.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
