do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
