We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
