Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im having a threesome with these popsicles
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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