And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
