ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
