I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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